背景介绍：
据说写此文的人是陶氏公司的员工，某周末公司安排员工去吃螃蟹，自愿报名，前往者可带公司付费的5对螃蟹回家，公司说的是公蟹5两，母蟹4.5两。此君凭目测认为最后发给大家的螃蟹小了，于是在大家吃完了都上车准备离开的时候，此君独自把十只螃蟹每只都去过秤，折腾了20多分钟，公司100多人就在车上等了他20多分钟。最主要的是螃蟹确实小了，于是他很生气，后果很严重。回来后于一花了一下午奋笔疾书，写了一封邮件，发给了公司近200人。该邮件被迅速转发转载，被称为500强企业“螃蟹门”事件，成为年末娱乐一大看点。通篇充斥着因螃蟹缩水而生的不忿之情，由此引起的对家庭的亏欠之情以及对由此引起的潜在的对公司形象的不良影响的担忧之情跃然纸面，据说DOW中国区董事长将在年会上亲自代表公司向他以及全家道歉，并补发1斤重的公蟹及8两重的母蟹模型各一只，上面刻上“忧国忧民”。（背景介绍转自）
小编：。。。。。。无力吐槽，请大家自己看此君感天动地的英文Email。当家中父老都眼巴巴等着儿子带螃蟹回家的时候，却被告知螃蟹的重量缩水了！这是多么凄惨无情残酷的一出家庭悲情戏……
From: Hu, Laker (LJ)
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 5:36 PM
To: FCYRECR
Dear FCYRECR and my Dow friends in CC list,
父老乡亲们哪！
I’d like to share with you a story of my Family, which happened after my trip back from the YangCheng Lake last Saturday.
家门不幸哪！求大家给俺做主：
As per the trip agenda, at the end of the trip, colleagues who registered YangCheng Lake can take 5 pairs of Crabs( female crab ~225g and male crab ~ 250g), which is clearly written in the trip agenda, public on intranet. So, I registered and confirmed the trip several weeks ago, and delighted to tell my parents that I would bring back 5 pairs of crabs after the trip, with each pair of female crab ~225g and male crab ~ 250g. My mother was pretty happy once heard the news, so a few days later, she nicely invited my sister and brother in law to come over for the crabs. Last Saturday when I was back home from the trip, my sister and brother in law had already arrived, and along with my parents waiting for me back home to cook the crab, to have a weekend family reunion dinner. As I had already knew that the crabs were smaller than what I told in my early promise, so I frankly told my family of it. Then there happened something unpleasant afterwards. My mother was quite disappointed on it, and my father also got a little upset on it. My sister and brother in law, as being guests, helped easing my parents, with no comment on it. That moment, I felt so embarrassed and guilty!!! I felt that I just cheated my parents in front of my family members, though I was innocent. But still, I couldn’t forgive myself of that at the moment! How could a son cheat his parents, and got his parents embarrassed in front of family members. I definitely couldn’t forgive myself of that. The dinner that night was long and silent for me…
…话说上周六公司组织去阳澄湖吃螃蟹，本来说好了的每人可以带五对螃蟹回家，公蟹5两，母蟹4.5两。俺在临行前很激动地对俺爹俺娘说，俺可以带螃蟹回来吃了，俺爹俺娘也挺欣慰的，还特意通知了俺姐和俺姐夫回家吃蟹。结果呢？坑爹啊！公司无情地欺骗了俺，发的螃蟹根本没5两重！公司可以坑爹，俺身为人子，怎么也能昧着良心坑爹呢？家里爹娘和姐姐姐夫都眼巴巴等着吃螃蟹啊，可是俺只能回去告诉他们，螃蟹压根没五两重。俺爹娘何其失望！俺姐姐和俺姐夫倒是啥都没说，帮着安慰俩老人家。所谓吾不杀伯仁伯仁因吾而死，坑了俺爹娘的虽说不是俺，但是俺有责任！俺爹娘一大把年纪了啊俺让他们在全家人面前丢脸了，俺以后还怎么做人？于是漫漫长夜，俺扪心自责，痛苦不堪……
I’ve been working for Dow for 4.5 years with proud, and my Dow friends also feel proud of being a member of Dow Family. We all LOVE our company, and dedicate ourselves to the company. Hereby, I’d like to take the chance to talk something about my parents as well. My parents are also proud of their son, me, being an employee of Dow Chemical. I can see their proud from their smiles when I get off work back home everyday, I can hear their proud from their conversation with the neighbors in my community, I can feel their proud from my heart deeply, as I am my parents’ son.
俺在陶氏干了四年多了，大家都以陶氏为荣。俺们爱陶氏，俺们愿意为陶氏付出——但是俺们也是有爹娘的！俺爹娘觉得他们的儿子能进陶氏很了不起，他们天天开心地迎接我下班回家，开心地和邻居谈论自己儿子多有出息。俺从心底体会到他们对俺的爱！因为俺是俺父母的儿子！
Dow has company vision of being a respectful company in the world, and I’ve been taking every of my efforts on building up company’s credibility in all aspect taking every of my efforts on building up company’s credibility in all aspects, and I am so sure that all my Dow friends are proud of doing the same thing as me. I am now worrying that the unpleasant thing happened to my family members last Saturday might cause potential negative opinions or comments to my family,to my friends, or even to my community, however, I trust that the company will give me a acceptable reason to explain, which I can bring it back to my family.
陶氏致力于成为国际瞩目的大企业，俺也一直默默为了这个目标而奉献自己的一份力，俺的同事们也都是一样。但是上周发生的那件令人寒心的事，无疑会造成潜在的公关危机，对公司的形象和声誉产生极为不好的影响！俺希望公司能给俺一个交代，于是俺也好给俺爹娘一个交代。
Thank you so much for your time on reading above, and your concerning on the matter in advance.
俺谢谢大家对俺的关心和同情。
Last but not least, for my Dow friends who have similar concerns with me, thank you for your supporting on me, I appreciate if you also can have your voice heard by the company.
最后，所有同样被坑的同事们，俺谢谢你们对俺的支持，如果你们愿意打破沉默，和俺一起勇敢地站出来，俺谢谢你们全家。
Sincerely, Laker
你们真诚的朋友，湖人
注：中文翻译纯属搞笑