The problem
I am a successful businessman approaching the end of my career but haunted by a sense of failure and unfulfilled potential. About five years ago, I was in the running to be CEO of my company, a well-known, mid-ranking multinational. I missed out but stayed on and worked with the new man. Now, as I get closer to retirement, I can feel myself getting sidelined. I fear that nobody pays much attention to me any more and nobody will remember me when I’m retired – certainly nobody outside the company. I once read that “all political careers end in failure”. Do you think is true of all business careers as well? Director, male, 57 Lucy's Answer Yes, nearly all business careers end in failure. They can end in big, spectacular failure – like, say, the career of Tony Hayward – or they can end in little anonymous failure – like yours. Even if you had become CEO things might not have ended much better for you. In fact they might have ended a lot worse. If your company had started doing badly, as so often happens, your failure would have been public and bruising, and would have eclipsed any previous successes that you had had along the way. Even if the company had flourished, your successor would have claimed all of your success as his own. At best you might have got a sterile suite of meeting rooms named after you. But as you never made it to the top, the failure is all inside your own head – no one else will care one way or another. Given that the problem is thus entirely of your own making, most readers seem to think you’re pathetic to be entertaining such self-indulgent thoughts. But I’m rather more sympathetic. The more ambitious one is, the more painful failure seems, because the gap between what you hoped for and what you got is unmanageably large. You have worked for the best part of 40 years at something that you thought was important at the time. But now you find that none of it matters because no one remembers and it doesn’t amount to anything anyway. That hurts. You could deploy various mental tricks to help you feel better. Compare yourself to really unsuccessful people. Think of how much money you’ve earned. But I doubt you’ll succeed in fooling yourself. Instead I suggest you force yourself to stop thinking about success altogether. Asking yourself if you are a success or a failure is as bad as asking yourself whether you are happy or miserable. Such thinking always ends in tears. The only way to deal with these horrid truths is denial – to distract yourself with other thoughts. I imagine this will be hard: if every day you are being shunted further into a siding, your feeling of failure will only grow. I’m aware this isn’t what you were asking, but I think you should retire now, if you can afford it. That way you prevent yourself from spending your last years in this company in increasing obscurity. And you may well find that starting doing something new at 57 is easier than it will be five years later。
Your Advice
You’re immature You should have realised by your 30th birthday that: a) failing to achieve all your goals is part of the human experience; b) only Brunels and Churchills are remembered once they leave their place of work; c) being a member of the ‘C suite’ gives you status but does not make your work inherently significant. Anon
Write memoirs You have a self-esteem issue. Do not think of yourself as a failure. If you fear getting sidelined, go into consulting. As a once potential CEO, you certainly have the credentials. Will you be remembered in retirement? If this is important to you, publish your memoirs. Retired, male, 61
Help those below Not everything important happens at the top. If you want to be remembered, try working bottom-up. Try influencing the “simpler”， “less important” people in your organisation. If you have anything worth saying, say it to them. Make a difference to their lives and they WILL remember you. Male, anon
Look outside Set yourself a new goal outside your company. Charities, start-ups and – Lord help us – the Big Society need leaders with your drive. Go get ‘em tiger. Director, male, 41
Stop whining I can’t fathom someone retiring as a “Director” considering himself a failure! What about the factory hand, the cleaner or, worse still, the jobless worker? No comfortable retirement awaits them. Anon
An old problem The writer of Ecclesiastes recognised this three millennia ago and the cry “Vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?” rings as true today as it did in the ancient world. Male, anon问题：
我是个成功的商人，职业生涯即将走到尽头，可失败和才能没有得到充分发挥的感觉上场萦绕在我心头。我在一家知名的中等跨国公司工作，大约五年前，我很有希望晋升为首席执行官。我没有成功，但我依然留在公司，和那个新来的人一起工作。现在，在临近退休之际，我能感到自己已经开始靠边站了。我害怕再也不会有人关注我，退休后也没人会记得我——公司以外自然是没有人的。我曾经读到过这样的句子：“所有政治生涯都以失败告终。”是否所有的商业生涯也都是如此？
董事，男，57岁
露西的回答：
是的，几乎所有的商业生涯都以失败而告终，只不过有人遭遇的是“盛大、引人瞩目”的失败，比如唐熙华(Tony Hayward)，有的人是小小的、不为人知的挫败，比如你。
就算你当上了首席执行官，结局也未必会好多少。事实上没准儿会更糟糕。假如你的公司开始走上了下坡路(这是常有的事)，你的失败就会尽人皆知，把你弄得遍体鳞伤，你以前的成就都会被抹杀。就算公司繁荣兴旺，你的功劳也会被继任者统统据为己有。有一套乏味的会议室用你的名字命名就算了不起了。
但因为你从来没当过一把手，失败完全只是你自己内心的想法——总之没有其他人会在意。所以这完全是你自寻烦恼，因此似乎大多数读者都认为，你居然有如此自高自大的想法，真是可悲。不过我还是比较有同情心的。一个人野心越大，失败就显得越痛苦，因为现实和理想之间横亘着一道难以逾越的鸿沟。
你把40年中最美好的时光花在了当时你认为重要的事情上，但现在你认为一切都不重要，因为没有人会记得。总之一切都没有意义。这让人很受伤。
你大可以采用各种五花八门的心理招数，让自己好过一点。比如说，拿你自己和真正不成功的人相比较，想想你挣了多少钱。但我怀疑你无法自欺。所以，我建议你强迫自己千万别再去想什么成不成功。纠结于自己到底是成功还是失败，和苦苦思索自己过得幸不幸福一样，都不是什么好事儿。思考这样的问题，每每都会潸然泪下。
要对付这些可怕的事实，唯一的办法是回避，把心思放在别的事情上。我估计这很难做到：如果你每天都在一点一点地靠边站，你的失败感必然会只增不减。我知道这不是你想要的答案——但我认为如果可能的话，你应该现在就退休。这样你就可以避免在被人们日渐遗忘的环境中在公司渡过最后几年。而且你很可能会发现，57岁时开始尝试一些新的事物，比5年后再开始要容易得多。
读者的建议：
太不成熟
30岁的生日前你就应该懂得：1，不能实现所有的目标是人生的必然组成部分；2，只有布鲁内尔(Brunel)和邱吉尔(Churchill)之类的人物，才能在离开后还能被人们记住；3，跻身最高管理层，只能给你地位，却不能让你的工作从本质上变得重要起来。
匿名
去写自传
你面临一个自尊的问题。千万别认为自己是失败的。如果你不甘心靠边站，就去当顾问吧。既然曾经有可能当上首席执行官，那么你肯定够资格。退休后会有人记得你吗？如果这对你很重要，就出本自传吧。
退休，男，61岁
帮助低层员工
不是所有重要的事都发生在最高层。如果你想被人记住，试试自下而上的办法。试着去影响你们公司里那些“比较普通”、“比较不重要”的人。如果你有什么值得说的话，就去讲给他们听。让他们的人生变得不同，他们就会记住你。
男，匿名
把目光放到公司之外
给自己制定一个跟公司无关的新目标。做慈善，开创新事业，或者——上帝，帮帮我们吧——“大社会”需要你这种富有干劲的领导者。去大显身手吧。
董事，男，41岁
别再怨叹
以“董事”之尊退休的人，居然认为自己失败，我真是搞不懂！那些工人、清洁工、还有失业的人，又该怎么办？他们可过不上安逸的退休生活。
匿名
这是一个古老的问题
《传道书》的作者3000年前就意识到了这个问题：“虚空的虚空，凡事都是虚空。人的一切劳碌，就是他在日光之下的劳碌，有甚么益处呢？”古老的格言，放在今日同样令人警醒。
男，匿名